Correction de la rédaction d'anglais

Anglais > sujets expliqués - 26/04/2017 - correction

	correction de la rédaction d' revenir au plan			docs
		sujet : " To what extent can lire
		Hello, Please find below m lire

Hello,

Please find below my correction with the comments at the end :

On the first hand and as far as I’m concerned, a fulfilling job is a job matching my academic and professional career. In particular, it’s a job that allows me to bring something to others people. Moreover, receiving compliments allows for better self-esteem and a increase motivation. Being independent in its job, give me opportunity to organize myself as I want. The tasks should also match with my personality and my tastes. Finally, encouraging creativity at work increases my proficient reflection and my imagination. Then, I think a fulfilling job is a job which financial compensation match to the skills.
On the other hand, difficult work schedules such as nights and week end shits make personal and family organization very challenging.. Moreover, spending more than one hour in commute every morning and evening is an important constraint and consequently could have negative impact on the job productivity. Also, if the tasks are repetitive and boring, or painful is not satisfactory job situation. In the same idea, stress and stressful situations can have negative impact on the work. Finally, all of these aspects adding up can cause burn-out and psychologic illness.
To conclude, the workplace is where most of people spend most of their time, therefore should be attractive. In my opinion, I think someone’s job should be link to its personalities in order to be blossoming.. That way, people can trust themselves more be more fulfilled by their professional because more efficient.

As a general remark, I think you should use less the word I, in order to work more generally. Also the strucure and the separation between the 2 paragraphs are not really clear. You could improve that by deciding what are the main ideas of each paragraph (as an idea you should be able to summarise each paragraph in a sentence (or a few words), and doing that make sure the 2 main ideas are very diffirents.

I hope that helped a little bit.

Good luck for your essay and you future job, hope it will be fulfilling ;)

Best regards,

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